Latest Entries »

your elegant gothic perky princess has returned, though not quite so perky today, Whistful has been an emotion i have been familiar with over the holiday season and into this new year. I know I have said i will be writing more, and with enough people kicking my ass to write, i will be. I am writing in the blog today for a couple reasons, one, i have been neglecting two, and the more important reason, someone that was a pillar of my life passed two days ago, into the next phase of her life, and her goddess decided she couldnt wait any longer for her and took her home to be with her. Those familiar and close to me know that i tend to view things differently then most, and view death differently as well. Mum didnt just talk about loving people and caring about people. She showed with her actions. She touched everyone she met, whether it was in little ways or big ways. The ones that didnt understand her and didnt want to, missed out on so much. She was raised xtian but grew more pagan at the end, realizing that the feminine was missing from most judeoxtian religious systems. She celebrated love, celebrated life, and celebrated nature. My sister Kitty wrote an amazingly touching blog about her a few years ago that was just so breathtakingly accurate, and reminded me of some things i tended to forget in the day to day about her. Please read if you would like. I will enclose the link at the bottom of this blogpost. It is a bit of a conundrum, not particularly confusing, but more surreal. Im still experiencing shock, and the care, kindness, and compassion of the ones I am close too and ones that know me, my loved ones and extended family, not biological siblings and family, but something far greater, family by choice and by love, has been a great comfort and soothing in this time, and I love and appreciate all of you more than i can put into words. Even the outpouring of kindness and sincere compassion from some people that took me totally by suprise and would have never expected or thought would even care has added warmth and light in this time.

Nothing can prepare you for moments like these, even if you think you are prepared for anything, you arent because you have no way of experiencing it before. Its easy to mentally and logically go through life, for some people i suppose, being ready for when people are taken away. But that brings its own issues with it, an almost paranoia so to speak of always anticipating someone being taken away, and lessens the experience and life you have with those you love. I have learned to live life with an open hand so to speak, to where you arent grasping and strangling those you hold dear and are beloved to you. I truly believe people come in and out of your life for different reasons, always to add something, whether is apparent or it takes time to figure it out, whether what they added was a result of learning from a negative experience, or a positive one. That way you dont spend your time worrying about losing them, you can truly enjoy and celebrate the time you have with them, without the fear of loss or the other issues that come with relationships and friendships.

Mum celebrated Life and Nature and Love to its fullest. She adopted all of my friends when i was growing up and treated them as her own kids, and she did that as well even after i grew up, always asking how this person or that person was doing, if she heard i was going to see them or had scene them or talked to them recently. She had always believed that people were to be loved and cherished, regardless of what they were, race, gender, beliefs, nationality. She saw that everyone needs to be loved and did so, loving everyone she met or had contact with, without hesitation or reservation. She also loved nature, she grew up on a farm and was fortunate enough to be raised by a father that was a progressive, her father believed in education and enabling his children to make their own decisions, not caring what his community and neighbors though, going his own way with his own beliefs and life. He instilled that in her and its something that never left her. Mum was always planning for the future and working toward the future, even into the end of her time in this mode we all share.

She never met a tree she didnt like or an animal she didnt appreciate. She loved birds and would talk to them, loved flowers and trees, she would walk up to a tree and wrap her arms around it and tell it how beautiful it was. She shared energy with everyone she came into contact with, human and creature and plant. She had no trouble going her own way in the later years of her life, regardless of what others though or said about it. She truly had become her own person, and that person she was, was joy.

She always believed in me, no matter what, and always was supportive, even on things she didnt understand fully, even if she would tease me later when some of them didnt work out as fast as i wanted them to. She loved the hell out of me and I love her back just as much. I am thankful and grateful that she was my mum. I will miss her like hell, that i cant deny, but her purpose in this mode was finished, and she was needed elsewhere. She would always try to help in any way she could those she felt needed it or could use it. She was a big believer in taking care of the earth and celebrating it, and the people on it. This mode has lost a truly special person in my mum. Going through her things and seeing the little things that were just “her”, brings a smile to my face in this time, I think when the cherished and treasured moments far outshine and well outnumber any memories that werent so much, then they will naturally be conscious and easily rise to the surface of our thoughts. When i see my mum in my mind, i see Joy and Light and Love, with a sparkle in her eyes and a big cheery smile on her face. I think i will always see her that way, no matter how much time passes. And i think when she does get to come visit, she will always feel the warmth and love i have for her and always will. It still doesnt seem real, though its slowly sinking in. I am proud and grateful for the impact she had on my life and the fact that such a beautiful and loving person was my mum. She helped give me the environment and encouragement and believe to become the perky elegant gothic princess you all know today. I will miss her like hell, but i celebrate her life, and the memories she gave me and others, and the effect she had on our lives, in ways she knew and ways she didnt.

To my mum, Ruth, Thank you for being my mum, for always believing in me and loving me and for letting me be your best friend. I loved you like hell and did my best to show you. Thank you for the time i got with you and the time those that had the pleasure of knowing you or getting to meet you got. You wil always bring joy and love, even now that you have been summoned to a greater purpose. I love you like hell and will miss your presence and you like hell. At the end of the day, all i can do is believe i showed you how much i appreciated you and cared about you, in a way that you never doubted, and that is something i believe that i did, deep in my being, I will keep on pursuing and working towards what i have been striving to accomplish, and will, because i know that you still believe in me and know i can accomplish everything i want and plan to do. I will always remember how much of a part of my success you are and will always be.

Your loving daughter,

Ishy

PS: here is what my sister Kitty wrote about our mum that i promised to link http://walkingtowardscompassionslowly.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/small-step-to-begin-with.html

Happy Yule everyone, i do realize i did promise to right more frequently, and all i can say is, i will work myself into it. I have had alot of good material for the blog, just havent had anything definitive that screamed out to be written about, though there has been plenty of subjects offering themselves to perusal. I am just going to talk today as usual from my heart, the holiday season is here, and you have half the world enjoying it, the other half wishing it was done with. I will confess that for the present future I am of the latter half. No need for me to go into details, it is what it is. I am glad people do enjoy the holidays, despite how commercial it has become. Even with all of that, people still get together with family and kin and make it a point to anchor themselves to family, which is nice. What is family though? Am i automatically magnetized to the “family” i was born into by accident of birth, or am I free to chose the family i decide and want to belong to?

I choose the second, I had no choice of the “family” i was biologically born into, and as such, i fail to believe theres a natural law that states that I must be bound to them and feel kinship to them, because I dont. That may seem harsh, but its the truth. They would tell you in an instant that they feel the same way. It finally dawned on me today, after years and years, that even though I am not welcome where they are gathering, even if I was welcome, they would spend their time wishing I was not there with them. Yes, not pleasant but at least its the honest reality of the matter.

The past few years have come with a great deal of personal growth, and understanding as well. I do know that not everyone will understand where I am coming from, and some may get upset or deny that i have a valid reasoning and understanding. So be it, I wont gainsay their right to how they feel, and their right to how they feel or respond to what i say. That seems fair enough to me. I dont expect to be understood by everyone or by most. but there is some that will, and frankly, I am expressing my thoughts and feelings and my logic, for what it is worth.

It is always interesting to me, the connections you make without realizing it, and the people you do connect with that you dont expect to, and the people that you dont, despite the expectation of doing so. I will mention the universe a time or two in my blog writings, its a nice simple way to refer to forces out of our control that have a meaning behind them for what they do. Some people call it God, some call it other dieties or nature, regardless, even those that believe in specific dieties can usually accept when its all referred to as “the universe”, it truly encompasses all.

This year has been full of a great deal of ass kicking by the universe to get things moving and going that I have been planning and working towards over the years. Sometimes the asskicking has gotten pretty severe till it caught my attention and i would go…alright, i finally am getting the point. LOL. Yea, i am stubborn and have a strong mind, and sometimes it does take awhile for me to get a clue, but thankfully, I usually do eventually.

All i can say for this year is that I am thankful and grateful for those that continue to remain in my life and have come into my life and made their presence felt and become dear to me and family to me. They put up with me when I am a brat, and put up with me when I am out of sorts, even if they dont know how to respond to it, with patience and with grace, and without telling me to goto Hell. LOL. I cant really ask for anything more than that.

What this blog ends up becoming, as I write more in it and share more of myself in it, only the future knows, but I do know that I do love to write and share, and love to welcome you, dear reader, to become part of my own Family. chosen not born into, Family because we choose to be, not because its expected or because its what is “proper and right”. I do look forward to sharing my life and the inner workings of my mind and heart more and more. I will admit it, this type of blog is more difficult than simply writing about random things, but because of that its also worth doing.

Always know that i wish you all Joy and Love, and all the best you will allow the universe to bestow on you, in the Holiday season and through the non holiday seasons. Why? Because much as we are conditioned to feel we dont deserve anything, we truly do, just because we are brave enough and strong enough to be ourselves, be different, and take responsibility for ourselves and because we are brave enough to love ourself, and realize that yes, we arent perfect, but you know that is alright, because it makes us real, and alive. Real and alive, isnt that what truly living is all about?

Happy Hollidays and Happy Yule from a perky elegant gothic princess,

Ishy ❤

Hello world, your perky gothic princess has returned, albeit in a more refined form, given that its been 3 and a half years from my last post, which i reread last night. Pretty astounding how much time has passed but perhaps the time gap will have been worth it, since my worldview and comprehension has evolved since then. Hopefuly my eruditeness and putting thoughts into words has evolved along with it. You and I, dear reader, will find that out as we go along. I have been encouraged of late to pick the blog back up, so even though my time is limited, I do believe that it will be beneficial to everyone, including myself, to do just that. So here I am once more, opening my thoughts and experiences to you. I smile when i see the the tone of my old posts, fiery, sprited, perky. That is all there still, just more refined with a tad more grace and a touch of elegance, so I am told at any rate. Welcome back to my journey dear reader, will you take my hand and come with me to wonderland?

Your elegant perky gothic princess,

❤ Ishy

As your perky gothic princess sits down in her chair, pondering the events of the last few weeks and deciding finally to put into words whats been on her mind. I know, hold onto your seats. *giggles*

I know its been a few weeks since i blogged last, i seriously am working on blogging at least once a week, though im sure it will end up being a few times a week as time goes along. Lots has been happening the last few weeks or so, some of it reminding why i still believe in people and other events have reinforced why its neccessary to be true to yourself, regardless of how you are looked at, treated, and talked to. It all comes down to we can only control a few things about our lives, those being anything solely influenced by us. A lesson learned a long time ago from someone who had a great deal of success in life was…Control your controllables, let anything you cant control take care of itself. In other words, put your energy and focus into what you actually -can- have an influence on and let go of trying to control everything that you have no ability to influence.

Sometimes life can be very challenging, indeed sometimes its so challenging it makes you wonder if theres a side to the universe that has a sadistic sense of humour. And yes, humor can be found in almost all circumstances, even if you have to create the humor yourself. Goddess knows, all my friends are aware that when i get mad im at my funniest, its just easier to deal with anger that way as an outlet, and it makes me laugh as well. If you cant laugh, and cant laugh at yourself, then your life will most likely have a bit less joy in it. Gets to be pretty weighty living taking yourself so seriously that you cant laugh at anything much at all i would imagine. As the saying goes…cant knock the hell out anyone else if your busy knockin the hell outta yourself LOL.

Todays just more of a gettin certain things off my mind ive been ponderin on for a bit, so this blog will prolly be jumpin around a tad since i have about 3 weeks or so to make up for^^ Future plannin is always one of those abstract things that you plan and prepare but its best if you are flexible and patient as things develop. Got some heavy reinforcement of that this year as lots of things have altered in some form or fashion, first one way then another. Sometimes the only for it is a glass of absynthe and dressing up in a smexxi outfit, whether its lounging around the house or going out. Course, where im at not the greatest idea to go out at night flaunting your perky gothic beauty, less you are with a bunch of friends. Living in a city that has no appreciation for the Gothic and Darker side of things, much less anything not “normal” makes alot of the good things and good people in life all the more poignant and cherished. It also causes a person to do one of two things..develop a very thick skin, or crumble and try to fight everyone and everything. I simply am who I am, no more and no less. Though those words are starting to be spoken by alot more people these days, sorta becoming cliche, but if those people are putting it into practice then i suppose that it becoming a cliche is a good thing. Just imagine if everyone on the planet realized that they didnt need to try to be every celebrity or idol that comes along, developing their own sense of uniqueness and style, not being a part of the clone generation, where everyone spends hundreds of dollars to look just like all their friends. I know that -does- not apply to everyone but it does apply to a vast majority of humanity. Theres security in being just like everyone else for those that have to have people -just- like themselves around. Its why there are country clubs, exclusive places, guest lists, etc. The world runs on exclusivity and having things others dont and having access to things other people dont have access to. Same as theres security in looking like everyone else in your social group and class, theres even more security in knowing that others -cant- have what you have and being -better- than anyone else in society as a whole. But you know what? It doesnt just afffect the wealthy, it also affects those that are more economically challenged as well. If there isnt an exclusive group around, one will form up, so everyone can -belong- to something.

Belonging is an important part of the human psyche, as evidenced by those who are considered outcasts and how they are treated by those in the “belonging groups”. You see it everywhere, regardless of culture, religion, class, caste, or socio-economic situation. It even pervades into personal and professional relationships. Theres a sense of “belonging” to someone else, I would imagine that everyone has experienced it or the lack of it at some point in their lives, even as an undercurrent. Much as alot of people are creeped out and find the Alternative B&D lifestyle very disturbing, its merely a visible living manifestation of the fulfillment of belonging in a finite and infinite sense, put in a way that theres no doubt that the parties involved belong to each other. Yes, there are ways of abusing this but can you look at “normal” relationships and tell me theres no abuse running fairly prevelant through it as well? I am fairly certain that you cant. People are People regardless of their status, situation, culture, or subculture. Its sad that exclusion often gets enforced to the extent of violence…mental or physical or emotional, including harrassment, descrimination…..and going to the ultimate extend of enforcing exlusion by beatings, torture, and yes, even death. Its always been that way, just getting more notice as its starting to become “news” as more and more people are made aware of whats going on in the world, and the capture of footage on videotape makes for much more visible evidence that cant simply be brushed away by saying..oh you werent there so you dont know for sure how it went down. Guess what? That proof can be ignored by those that want to and will be ignored unfortunately by those who refuse to acknowledge that there is still a prollem with intolerance and prejudice and hatred. Im personally not sure that it will ever go away, seeing the current events going on around the world and even in this country. However there is always a belief that things will become different, and perhaps even become better, as more and more people come to realize that just because someone is different then them, and they were raised to hate and dislike everyone that is different…..they have the CHOICE to not let their upbringing CONTROL and DETERMINE how they treat others. Seriously? People are People, they all have the same things inside them as everyone else does, even if you include the metaphysical aspects of it or discard them, doesnt change the fact that were all here on earch having to live life the best we can.

Im coming to the conclusion that a “lifes purpose” or “lifes meaning” that so many people look for and want to have isnt simply to be born on earth with something to do, kinda figured it for awhile. You know, everyone can say they were put on earth to breathe, since everyone that is human must breathe in order to “live”, as such that doesnt really explain a whole lot cept we were born to fullfill biological functions, which we do very well. If thats the ultimate purpose and meaning for being alive, well, most people arent going to be very happy with finding out they were not “specially selected” to a “very exclusive role” in life on earth or in their environments. Hrmm, guess thats why the general public has such a love of religion and a higher power, cuz honestly, if they didnt have those beliefs they would be left with a feeling of nothingness, since the majority of people search for meaning outside themselves, instead of inside themselves. Ironic how as everyone strives to be “better and more special” than others, when it comes to personal image and identity, people are taught by religion they are lower than bugs in the grand scheme of things, that without said “higher power or religion or god” that their lives really are worthless and they are incapable of living a “life less ordinary”, then most people spend their entire lifes enforcing that view on others.

So really when you really get down to the basics of it, “meaning” that has any empowerment has to come from inside a person, not from the outside. The trick is actually being able to put a finger on it, look inside and see what all is in there, regardless of if it scares you, thrills you, or makes you cry or leap for joy. Its all part of you and until you face it, you wont ever be able to start working your way to a feeling and state of completion, acceptance and love of your own self, which i think is truly important. Not a self glorification, but a genuine acceptance and appreciation of who you are as a person and individual. Until that can happen, Im not sure anyone can be happy with themselves or be able to genuinely accept and appreciate others around them and in the world. You know, much as i sometimes get tired of dealing with people at times, the ones that think im different and treat me differently as a result especially, i dont ever give up on being me and being true to myself.

Perhaps that in itself is a real meaning that is overlooked and if not, perhaps even supercedes “the grand meaning of life” simply because…in the absence of meaning, something else will grow to take its place, its a natural law, and sometimes we as society, tend to overlook natural laws, even though they apply to us, perhaps even down to our cores. In other words, we can create our own “meaning” instead of having it dictated to us by others, because frankly, im rather damn tired of having other people dictate to me what my meaning in life is supposed to be..because i know what that meaning would be to most of those people, and thank you, but its -my- life and not theirs, considering the wishes of most of society towards a perky gothic princess like me, Im thinkin I will just find my own way and come up with my own meaning or contentment. Reinvent your own life to your own identity that you discovered and determined for yourself without outside influences telling you what you can or cant, should or shouldnt do and whether you are a “good” person or “bad” person, cuz guess what? At the end of the day -you- and only -you- have to face yourself in the mirror every day at some point. You can be your own best critic and creator or your own biggest punisher and destroyer. Goddess knows ive experienced both at different points in my life, sometimes at the same time. I think imma be choosing to be my best creator from now on, as i take out my glitter pencils and paints and colors, and release the limits on myself that i had accepted from others and my own thoughts and beliefs. Ive come to realize that if i dont put any limits on what i can become as a person and do with my life, there are no limits to what i can become or what i can do with my life.

I look forward to the future, and dont live in the past, enjoying the road through the present as much as i can and not sweating the small stuff and making the best of my life i can. Thank you for spending some time with me today and letting me share a part of my life with all of you that may read this now or in the future. I love you all as people and as friends. regardless of who you are. We are all in life together, we might as well make the most of it and enjoy and appreciate that which we are able to and if we dont have much to appreciate, lets go find something or someone to appreciate. Till next time, this perky gothich princess is signing out and going to go play with her Begoth Dolls…giggles.

❤ Ishy

Incontinuedenal paraspective

Back in the Blogging chair again, this time in my shiny pjs with a can of Monster and pot of Tea by my side, music blaring out of the speakers at a low enough level not to drive everyone else around batty lol.

Id planned to blog earlier this week but its been such a busy hectic week that i just didnt have a chance. I think this past month imma call Incontinuedenal Paraspective of trying to get anything done. Nothing helps

build perserverence than having to do the same thing day after day to try to achieve your end result. Somewhere that description brings up the definition of insanity from a life perspective, not the psychological perspective.

The ole….doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. WELL…sometimes, i think you must have a bit of insanity to blast your way through a wall thats standing between you and a desired result. even -if- you had no idea that wall was there. That did happen enough times to notice in March, but fortunately everything managed to fall into place, even if it usually took 5 times as long with 5 times as much effort to get the result i was wanting, simple as those were LOL.

Its always interesting in sometimes amusing and sometimes simply ironic way the experiences i run into just being out in the general public of where i live. As i get told from time to time that other people dont see how i do it and put up with it all so calmly and serenely. Simply put, I cant help the fact that Morons and Ignorance exists, it just helps me appreciate those that have risen above the morass of ignorance and prejudice that pervades society and culture, not just where I am, but around the world. Just hop on the net or talk to people in different parts of the world. Were really not that different as individuals from anyone else. despite the BS that the media and the pulpit try to feed everyone. and yes, I did say pulpit, one of the premier sources of cultural morality and conditioning, even if you have never seen one before theres at least a few that are influential in your lifes, whether a primary influece or a tertiary influence. Would be nice if the pulpiteers, especially the successful ones would remember, or take the time to learn, what its like to be one of those they despise, hate, and condemn, usually without knowing or having the least bit of experience or knowledge of those they condemn, since they keep themselves in “pure and uncontaminated” environments. Just my Observations^^

I dunno if any of you, though i know that some of you have by talking with a few of my friends about it, find the red flashing turbulence light going off in the vehicle of their lives, blindly reach to check and make sure the seatbelt is fastened so your body isnt thrown around the cabin being flung and battered against the walls of your life as it changes direction on you. Im sure some have never experienced that and some never will, but i would imagine most people have at least once in their life. It can be quite an exhilirating experience even if your head is left spinning for a few weeks or months afterwards. Attitude makes all the difference in whether its frightening or thrilling. We all have good and not so pleasant things happen to us, its how we respond to them and how we use them to make ourselves grow and become better as individuals and people as well as using them as catalysts to launch ourselves and our own lives much farther and higher than had been possible before that ultimately determines if they ultimately have been good for us or not. We all have experienced tailspins, it happens and is inevitable as breathing or living. Its whether we panic and totally give up everything or learn how to lean into the spin, not fighting it, but letting it build up the momentum to break free of it and using the very negative to throw us deep into the positive that makes all the difference in the world.

Thank you for sharing a bit of your time with me, I hope you always enjoy what i write and it makes you think, ponder, muse, giggle, smile, or just flat out go out and do something good for yourself or those you love.

Ishy<3

Hello world!

So after all these years of friends telling me I should write,  poetry or otherwise, I decided to take the plunge and get off my pink leopard print tiered skirt and start a blog, or sit on it and blog, either way here I am^^ Im sure this will evolve as time goes on. For the moment well just get going and I’ll just write about whatever happens to be on my mind or not any particular moment, though i think thats what blogs are supposed to be lol. Feel free to leave comments, suggestions for Topics or anything in particular thats on your mind or yould like to hear about. Ishy<3